What is this

i'm supposed to go to sleep right now, because have shit called skripshit to do in this morning. T_T
But here i am. LOL
Kaya sejenis galau tapi ntah lah.. i just wanna share my shit here.
Life . Love . Friendship.
3 complicated words n meaning.

Gue lagi gak pengen ngomongin Life, apalagi ngomongin Love.
Ntah apa itu.
Yah ntahlah~

Gue lagi pengen ngomongin Friendship. Sebenarnya gue juga gak ngerti konteks, arti dan makna sebenarnya dari 'Friendship and Bestfriend' . Gw melihat ntah kenapa cewek sepertinya lebih sensitif soal ini, ya cewek sensitif dalam segala hal. Gue gak akan menggunakan kata 'bestfriend' disini karena gw gak tau apa konteks dan makna 'Bestfriend' itu sendiri. I more consider to use 'close friend' . Here we go~

Dulu gue (pernah) punya teman dekat. Gue temenan sama dia uda dari kelas 4SD, temenan sampai kelas 2 SMA. Nyaris tiap hari kita habiskan untuk ngobrol gak jelas plus gosip. Kelas 3 SMA kita mulai jauh karena masing-masing uda sibuk dengan 'grup' nya. Ditambah pas kuliah dia dimana gue dimana.  Pertemanan 8 tahun yang begitu indah membuai begitu aja seiring berjalannya waktu, hingga kini kita cuma teman biasa.

Dulu gue punya temen (pernah dan seharusnya) dekat. Gw masih berusaha menjaga hubungan pertemanan ini, gue mikirin perasaan dia, tapi sayangnya dia lebih memilih love. that's why people say love is blind, i got it. FINE.

Dulu gw sempat deket sama 2 orang atau mungkin lebih, gw pikir mungkin kita bisa menjadi 'close friend' karena kita punya common sense and nyambung. Tapi seiring berjalannya waktu, ini pun membuai begitu saja.

Bagi gue, friendship means Caring+sharing+communication+love+togetherness (yang intense), bagai bibit yang jika semakin dipupuk maka akan semakin indah,  i think in this way was back then. Bagi gue friendship itu harusnya mengusung konsep simbiosis mutualisme. Caring, sharing, communication, love yang dua arah bukan satu arah. Kita terus-terusan peduli tapi dia engga, kita sharing ini itu ke dia tapi dia nya engga, its feels don't right dan bikin capek hati. Tapi gue juga menyadari ini uda bukan jaman sekolah dimana kita tiap hari ketemu, tiap hari ngegosip bareng. Sekarang masing-masing punya kesibukan sendiri. Siapa bilang teknologi membantu memudahkan komunikasi. Sebenarnya iya sih, cuma kita aja yang gak memanfaatkannya. Terkadang kita mungkin pengen ngobrol tapi selalu mikir ah mungkin dia lagi sibuk, ah klo dia emang pengen ngobrol pasti dia bakal manggil duluan, yah semua aja mikir begini hingga akhirnya inilah yang membuat segalanya membuai bahkan menjadi butiran debu pun tidak. Terkadang gue mencoba berpikir positif , ah dia emang cuek anaknya, emang begini emang begitu, yah cuek juga adalah salah satu pembunuh 'friendship'.

Padahal tbh gue tipikal yang gak malu-malu buat bilang  i miss you duluan and i really mean it. when i'm text you first that's means i miss you, but when i'm not that means i wait you to miss me. Biar gak norak-norak amat biasa gue bakal terimplisit gtu deh. But there's a time when i'm tired, i'm want to be cared too.

i expect you to care
i expect you talk to me
i expect you to do what i did
i expect...
yeah this expect is really something. You got hurt because you expect something . 

it's sad when someone that we used to know become someone that we knew. 
it's sad whenever remember what we used to be. 
in the end, no matter what happened we still (can) labeled as friend, we just don't really care about each other anymore.

But seiring berjalannnya waktu dan dapat berpikir secara lebih dewasa, gw menyadari gue uda gak peduli lagi sama semuanya. there's a quote said : " care less, stress less. " This is fckin true, i dont wanna care, i dont wanna expect this and that anymore. Let it flow, let it be. But sometimes there's a special case, when you got hurt and dissapointed with your friend but you just can't really mad or hate them n however you still care n love them bc they've got your heart. Just like when my close friend forgot my bday, since then i never text her first, until one day she text me first n i asked her : wah you still remember me? LOL she knew i'm mad n apologized bc she've forgot my bday. did you know how dissapointed am i ? more dissapointed bc she apologized 2 month later. Hahaha. but yeah whatever, that's true i'm very very dissapointed but no matter what i never ever can really mad at you, you know that. 

and then..setiap orang mungkin punya cara pandang yang berbeda soal begini, but bagi gue, gue menyadari bahwa pada nyatanya tidak ada persahabatan yang benar-benar sejati, semua akan tiba masanya. Tapi jika anda merasa menemukannya, well nice, keep it. Friends come and go, that's life. I don't need a bestfriend nor close friend, million friends but what i need and want is a true friend. And i've learned, you don't need talk n meet, bla bla each other everyday everywhere with your friends but what's matter is when there's a time you meet or talk to each other, you guys will start talk like there is no tomorrow without awkward. Yeah this the main point, if you meet this kind of friend, keep them. You probably found a true friend! A good true friend is hard to find you know. 

oh mai gad watdehek am i talking about?
i don't even know, lol